What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
