Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
