Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
