So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
