The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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