we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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