You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
