We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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