Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
