I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sorry about my life...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
