Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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