I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Randomize
