just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
