i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
