Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
