Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
