Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
