I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
