nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
