By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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