well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
