Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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