I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
