Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
