You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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