A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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