Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
