Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
