I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
