1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
