your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
