Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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