also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
