no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
