He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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