it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
