I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
