And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
