Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
