He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
