Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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