She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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