my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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