At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
