hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
