A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
