We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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