There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
