i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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