I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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