Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
