I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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