my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
