i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
