i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
