dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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