She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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