that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
