Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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