He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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