I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
