why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
