One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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