ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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