I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
