hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
