i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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