I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
