I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I faked an abortion last night.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He felt like a one man threesome
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
A+ Viking dick
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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