i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
