he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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