Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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