This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize