you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
