Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
