No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
