I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
