At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
