I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Drunk is a universal language darling
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