Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
