you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
