I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
