You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
