Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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