the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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