She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
