I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Your cock deserves a montage
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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